life in January

Do you ever let yourself look back at where you've been and how far you've come?
It's funny to revisit this time last year. Literally one year ago to this day, January 28th, we were deep in the middle of the Polar Vortex and I was dealing with the same mid-winter "what am I doing with my LIFE!?" introspection.

So much has happened since then, so much has changed, and yet so much is still the same.

This time last year I was struggling to balance my full time job with my dreams of turning my Etsy shop into a thriving handmade business. I had no idea that Beachbody was about to drop into my lap and completely change the trajectory of my life. Over the past year I've grown into myself, I have a clear and exciting vision for my future, but my Etsy shop is still always on the poor backburner, haha! But in the meantime I've learned so much about running and marketing a small business, and this year I promise I'm going to make good on my intentions! Although I think I'm still going to view the shop as a passion project on the side instead of pressuring myself to turn it into something too huge to handle.

Anyway, this January has been a month of huge and transformative personal growth. I've struggled and battled to gain clarity on exactly what I want to accomplish this year, and even though most of the time I feel like I'm running as hard as I can just to stay in place, I know I'm also making huge strides and progress in my confidence and vision for my life and career.

When I look back on January 2015, here is what I will remember.



Endless bowls of fancy oats to warm up chilly mornings.



Pushing myself past my mental, emotional, and physical limits every single day with Shaun T's Insanity Max 30 (although I must admit I actually miss my early morning gym adventures! Working out from home while you work from home is awesome, but my hermit tendencies are starting to get to me).

Fueling and nourishing my body with enormous salads and allllllll the veggies.

Finding balance and rewarding myself with my favorite treats! Wine, milk stouts and chocolate porters, mugcakes. I'm happy Ben and I finally checked out the Map Room, it's adorable and brings me back to my grad school days as a geographer!

We joined a church! I started to make pillows, a sewing project I've been putting off for way too long. Ben bought a new car and I discovered the amazing and wonderful Andrea Owen whose blog, podcast, and book are helping me joyfully accept myself for who I am and lay off the internal pressure! 

During the first half of the month I was obsessed with planning, reflecting, goal setting, and organizing. I developed and hosted my first ever coach training workshop for the new members of my  team, I started to create a new vision for my monthly accountability Bootcamps, and I blogged more thanks to this amazing editorial planner from By Regina. I've slowly started to develop monthly and quarterly goals that align with my core desired feelings. This is a hard process and I'm balancing my inner overachiever with my determination to live more intentionally and find joy in life instead of being constantly overwhelmed. I feel like I'm literally bursting with energy and inspiration and I have a desperate desire to write more, share more, and embrace my journey in all its messy glory. 2015 is the year I will grow into myself, and I'm so excited for what's in store!

I've always struggled with insecurity, fear, perfectionism, and feeling like I'll never be "enough," and this was the month I started to recognize and confront all those little voices holding me back.
Every day I'm practicing self compassion and I'm slowly accepting myself for who I am, right now. I'm taking action on things that I've been thinking and journaling about for years, instead of letting my perfectionism overwhelm and paralyze me.

I really love how I've been blogging for almost six years now because it's fun to remember where I've come from and recognize what has always been important to me.
In January 2011 I said "I am trying to project self-confidence, optimism, and excitement towards all the unknowns coming up in my life this year, and not stress out too much."

Yup, I'm still me :)

what I'm doing with my life

Have you ever gone on a trip with a group of other people (you may or may not have known them before) that breaks you free from your normal bubble and routine and immerses you in an experience so powerful that it ends up shifting your perspective, the way you view yourself, and maybe the entire trajectory of your life itself?

You are rocked to your core, you feel AWAKENED, you can't help but ugly cry when it's all over because you have to return to reality, the magic is over, and nothing in your world will ever be the same.

But it is the same. YOU are the one who is different.

These trips might immerse you in a foreign culture on the other side of the world. Or they might be a short weekend somewhere close to home. You might go into the trip KNOWING it will change your life, or it might take you completely by surprise.

I've experienced a few of these kinds of trips, and I'm starting to recognize a pattern: I feel completely comfortable with the people I'm with, comfortable and safe enough to be MYSELF without holding back, because I know I'm accepted and I belong.

-My high school exchange trip to Germany.
-My campus ministries mission trip to Biloxi, MS the spring after Katrina.
-The seemingly inconsequential summer weekend after my freshman year of college where I returned to campus to help with freshman registration and ended up meeting a guy named Ben.
-The seven weeks I spent snowed in at Holden Village in the winter of 2008.
-This past Labor Day weekend where I went up to northern Wisconsin with a couple girlfriends I met on Instagram, of all places.

This past weekend is going to be added to that list. I flew to Dallas for my first live Beachbody event, a training conference hosted by my upline organization. Yup, basically a fitness cult convention, hahaha. But it changed my life. It shook me to my core and made me really look at what I'm doing with this opportunity. On the outside, it's just another network marketing thing like Jamberry Nails, Mary Kay, or that fancy mascara that I am thisclose to buying because I am a mascara addict and my translucent lashes need all the help they can get. There are even tons of other health supplement companies that sell magic shakes and pills and vitamins that promise to give you the same results that the stuff I “sell” does.

But Team Beachbody is SO SO SO different. The word Team comes in front of the brand because that’s what it’s all about—a sense of belonging and acceptance by a group of the most positive, values-driven, enthusiastic people helpers you’d ever find, who are all committed to making a difference in the lives of the people we love as well as complete strangers. The focus is on helping people achieve the types of accomplishments that seem too huge, personal, and scary to even dream about. What is something that YOU reallyreallyreally want, but you think it would be impossible to do or achieve? Get out of debt? Find a job that 100% satisfies and fulfills you and makes you excited to wake up in the morning? Run a half marathon? Run a mile? Feel good about yourself and squash the little voice in the mirror that tells you you’ll never be pretty enough/never be smart enough/never be skinny enough/never be good enough to get what you truly want? Instead of squashing that dream and telling yourself you'll never make it...why don't you face your fears and embrace what you want out of life? You are worthy of happiness! YOU ARE ENOUGH.

How you view yourself is how you view the world. Think about what it means to lose 10, 50, 100 pounds. You aren't just physically different—you’re an entirely new person! I have a friend who has to accept that she can't define herself as the “fat girl” anymore. She is literally a brand new person on the inside and out, and she's using her experiences to inspire other women to create a new, stronger, more confident identity too.

I’m helping women (including myself) realize that there is more to life than a thankless, stressful job that sucks our energy and joy and that we are WORTHY of taking control of our own success and happiness. How amazing would it feel to be able to redefine your entire life based around your core truths and values? To create a reality that YOU design to perfectly fit your unique strengths and talents?

For years I felt like I didn’t “deserve” the level of “success” that my best friends were achieving straight out of school. Steady jobs, good paychecks, they are even buying houses now, what the heck! I felt trapped, I felt worthless, I felt like I didn’t have control over my life and was just waiting for a magical opportunity to present itself but I was too scared to go out there and make it happen because I had zero self confidence in myself. I felt like no one wanted to hire me because I was never good enough or fit XYZ qualifications. I just accepted the "quarter life crisis." It was an ugly, vicious, bitter cycle and I was becoming a version of myself that I absolutely hated to see, because I knew that I was meant to be as happy as the little girl in fourth grade who dreamed of becoming an Olympic gymnast and designed a wedding magazine with her best friends. What happens between childhood and adulthood that strips us of our joy and makes us so bitter and cynical?

Do you even know where you're headed? Do you even like the direction you're going, or do you have this deep, suppressed, desperate anxiety that there’s something MORE out there if you could only figure out what it is? Do you know for certain that something has to change, but you don't know what to do about it so you’re just going to keep chugging along with the status quo because it’s “safe” and “secure”?

WAKE UP. Face your life.

Surround yourself with people who are successful, people who lift you up, people who share your values and vision, people who are true and real and raw and messy but who embrace themselves anyway and empower you to do the same.

The name of my little team of coaches is Inspire Joy because my deepest desire is to empower women to find their joy and share it with the world, to help them realize their own self worth and feel beautiful in their own skin. To live their truth.

Would I ever have guessed in my wildest dreams that I'd end up being a network marketing professional? Um, hellllllls no. Laughable! Yeah go ahead and laugh and think that I'm crazy. I have degrees in Biology and Geography, I've published an academic paper on forest fires, I thought I wanted to become a pediatrician for most of my life, I am an introvert and I will always detest sleazy pushy salespeople and the heartless profit-driven corporate world. But I've also always known that I am meant to help others, I'm meant to be creative, I love being constantly challenged, I have an insatiable desire to learn new things, empathy and intuition are my strengths, and most of all I know deep down that I'm MADE to be happy and light up the lives of the people I love.

And here I am. And it is amazing. I can finally be true to myself, and by simply embracing who I am and what I struggle with and what makes me happy, I'm making a massive, rippling impact in the lives of women who are just like me, who share my struggles and my joys. My drive has a direction and I finally feel legitimate. I've been a bystander and a lurker and a sponge for years, while I struggle to find a "job" and figure out my "career" and freak about the future, what will happen, where we'll live, what to do after we have kids, well now the answer is so clear and obvious and staring me in the face.

Here's the secret: stop trying to fit society's mold or traditional definition of success. Stop trying to be perfect. Just be YOURSELF. 

Be brave, be daring, be vulnerable, stop hiding, get out in the ring, wake up early, carve out time to have FUN and spend time with the people who matter the most, connect with strangers and turn them into friends, redefine your comfort zone, take lots of selfies along the way, open yourself up, and watch miracles happen.

This is just the beginning!

joy is untouched by circumstance

(source)

For quite a while I've been subscribing to (somewhat cheesy but totally awesome) motivational emails from the Brave Girls Club, a website, community, and blog dedicated to empowering women to be good to each other and themselves. Usually I delete the emails but every once in a while I'll read the message of the day, which always seems to relate perfectly to what is going on in my life. Today's email on the difference between joy and happiness hit me because I've been spending a full year now trying to figure out my path in life and learning what it takes to live in the present, have trust and faith, and connect to my true self despite constant challenges and the deep void of scary blackness that threatens to overwhelm me whenever my confidence starts to drop. Recently I have been feeling the joy because I've discovered a creative outlet that gives me purpose through knitting and painting. I've been doing pretty good lately on focusing on what is RIGHT in life versus what is WRONG.

So anyway, here's a bit of deep philosophical inspiration for your Tuesday. I hope it speaks to you too, and I also hope that it is warmer where you are than it is here in Chicago today (high of EIGHT degrees, you'll find me buried in fluffy blankets in front of the space heater all day)!

Dear Joyful Girl,

Joy is good. Did you know there is a difference between happiness and joy? This anonymous quote describes it perfectly:

"Joy is untouched by circumstance."

You see, happiness is sometimes fleeting. Joy is a state of mind -- that no matter what happens, no matter how much we had planned on a different outcome, that we will always center our lives on what is RIGHT rather than what is WRONG. We will trust the moment and the unexpected gifts that every moment holds -- even the scary, strange, and unexpectedly difficult moments. Especially those moments actually.

Even Oprah said it perfectly:

"What I know for sure is that you feel real JOY in direct proportion to how connected you are to living your truth" -- Oprah Winfrey

Living your truth means listening very closely to the very quiet voice that is constantly trying to get your attention. Living your truth means being very very still and seeking truth and beauty and goodness and small miracles all the days of your life. Living your truth means being exactly who YOU are, in spite of who and what others around you are. Living your truth is a joyful path -- a path that no circumstances can every rip you off of.

Joy can be felt anywhere, at any time, it any situation. This is the truth.

Go forward in JOY, brave girl!

xoxo

(sign up for the emails here)

2013 week one

Chicago lights

I can't believe we're already part way through the second week of the year! I spent the first week trying to recover from the nasty cold/flu bug everyone is getting (luckily Ben escaped it, probably due to his just-in-time flu shot...) while also teaching a winter science camp for grade schoolers at the Arboretum, babysitting, and running around downtown with my family who were visiting the city on a mini-vacay.

And I straightened my hair just for fun to go to a friend's goodbye party at a super swanky high rise apartment with two private elevators. 

It's always interesting to see how long the hair is getting, since curls bounce it up about 2-4 inches. And it's also interesting to see how the "other half" lives...

And I have been working hard on my newest endeavor. I caught the knitting bug last November and I've decided to open an Etsy shop to sustain my hobby. I'll be selling cozy chunky scarves (some including sparkles of course) and also watercolor stationery since I had so much success with my DIY wedding invitations.

I'm hoping to open the shop by the end of this week ahhhh!! It takes so much work to open! I'm super excited.

I hope your year is off to a productive and happy start! 

(And I hope you've managed to avoid this plague flu thing, ugh.)

on being underemployed

 People house and squirrel house. Love being able to see all the little nests in the trees.

 

 The last tree on the street holding out with some green

 

 My sidewalk

 



 Some dusty miller in the leaves, pretty gray and yellow

 

 Fuzzy boots, more gray and yellow

 

 Fave scarf of the moment

 

View from my porch, typical Chicago northside

 

{pictures from my walk to the post box this morning}

 

 

Last night I had my first ugly breakdown since my September pre-wedding freakouts. 2012 has been a huge year, to put it mildly, bringing me the happiest days of my life and also the most frustrating personal challenges I've ever experienced, and I'm trying to process it all and reflect on what has happened and where I'm headed. It's been almost a year since my job with the Nature Conservancy in Oregon ended and Ben and I decided to pack our cars and drive back to the midwest to live with our respective parents until we figured shit out.

 

Actually, "figuring shit out" could be the tagline to this entire year

 

Here's the quick re-cap of what has happened since last December:

 

 I spent a pretty gloomy winter in my childhood bedroom attempting to job hunt while Ben lived with his mom in Michigan (he had an online job at the time). After having spent two years hacking it long-distance at the end of college, being forced to live hundreds of miles apart AGAIN--after we were engaged for pete's sake and I thought we were past that tough stage--well, it was the figurative straw that broke me. And it sucked. I was saved in the spring by my uncle, who offered us temporary free use of his empty condo in the Quad Cities so that Ben and I could actually be together while we figured out our lives and wedding plans. The QC is where we met and went to college, so it was a fun blast of the past to re-connect with our college friends and spend a summer re-living our college days. I also started substitute teaching at the end of the school year, which gave me something to do and kept me sane! All you need to sub in Illinois is a college degree, so it's a pretty good in-between-jobs filler if you're willing to deal with an unpredictable schedule and whiny high schoolers.

 

The rest of the summer was consumed by figuring out how to throw a beautiful and fun wedding when you're broke, spending time with family, and distracting myself from not having a job. Honestly, it was pretty nice to have the time to do things like make my own wedding invitations (DIY blog post to come on that...) and it was plain awesome to catch up with friends and family after living so far away in PA and OR for the past three years. Ben continued working online until he FINALLY was offered his dream teaching job: high school history at a charter school in Chicago. I cried tears of joy. We moved to the city in August, I was extremely lucky to start working part time at the Morton Arboretum, we got married, and now it's the holiday season and I'm coming up for air!

 

I really love my job and co-workers at the Arb, but I only work in the spring, summer, and fall, and part time at that. Plus the commute is rough... an hour and fifteen minutes to drive out there in morning rush hour, 45 minutes to get home in the early afternoon. I've begun picking up some babysitting jobs, which--like subbing--is also a great filler job if you are female, like kids, have experience being in charge of them (thanks Mama for my younger siblings), and are CPR/First Aid certified, and live in a family-oriented area. I am very grateful I fill all of the above requirements :)

 

So anyway, it has been almost a year since I had a full time job, and a year and a half since I graduated with my master's degree. Almost all the 20-somethings I know have been un/under-employed for at least a few months at some point. It's just really. hard. to be 25 right now.

 Obviously I am really grateful for my supportive family, being married to an amazing person who has a job to pay the bills and support me, my education, and my experiences thus far, but there is still a big void inside of me where I'm missing a job that will fulfill me and make me feel productive with my time and talents. I've learned how to be resourceful and work with what I have, but it's really hard to have patience for that one perfect job to appear--because I'm not going to be hired unless the employer thinks I am absolutely perfect. It's extremely humbling to be rejected from jobs you know you're qualified or even over-qualified for, and I know that even though I have a master's degree and as much experience as I've been able to cram into my life so far, NO JOB or experience is beneath me right now.

 

I'm looking forward so much to the day when Ben and I have a double income and can start actually saving money to someday have kids and buy a house, in addition to merely not feeling super guilty every time I buy something. In the meantime it's a constant process to stay grateful for the many many blessings I DO have in my life and to trust that everything will work out when the time is right.

 

2012 has included three moves, multiple part time and temporary jobs for both Ben and me, a wedding, and lots of memories and learning curves both good and bad. No wonder I'm mentally exhausted! I have no idea what 2013 has in store, and it's really weird to anticipate a year with no graduations, wedding, or any other pre-scheduled milestone. Hopefully there are a couple less enormous changes, and I can continue to settle into the second half of my twenties.

 

 

chill in the air

We enjoyed what I'm assuming was our last weekend of balmy 60* temperatures in Chicago, and now the weather has plunged back into the 30's in true Midwestern style. At least it hasn't snowed yet!

 

November was always one of my least favorite months because of the general ugliness brought on by bare trees and drizzly yucky weather, but I think times are changing! I'm married to a November birthday boy, for starters, and we celebrated his 27th year earlier this month with a delicious ice cream cake covered in brownie chunks.

 

 

You're super old now, Ben :)

 

I'm also excited about this month because it signals the approaching holiday season, which is by far my favorite time of the year. I'm obsessed with all seasonal foods and can't wait for Thanksgiving! If you're looking for something yummy to bake to get into the holiday spirit I highly recommend  this healthy cranberry sweet potato bread.

 

 Recipe notes: I used 2 full eggs instead of 3 egg whites, and added an extra 1/3 cup or so of orange juice because my batter was extremely dry. I was kind of skeptical because the recipe was so dry and had zero oil, but it turned out incredibly chewy and delicious!

 

The slice above is pictured slathered in this equally amazing (and easy) crockpot apple butter. I halved the recipe and it still made an enormous jar...good thing because I want to pour it over everything.

 

I've been loving my extra free time lately since school programs are done for the winter at the Arboretum. I'm trying to pick up more babysitting jobs to keep me distracted and in cash, and in the meantime I've been organizing and nesting like crazy in our apartment. It's been a very slow process to settle in and make this place feel like home but I think it's coming together!

 

 

Boots, scarves, and leaves are taking over the entryway, and the Dutch art calendar pictures are getting darker and drearier each month. We're definitely in the fall/winter transition!

 

I've been feeling grateful this weekend for our veterans who have given so much to our country, and I'm also grateful that Ben gets today off from school--so instead of grading and lesson planning all day on Sunday, he's catching up on work today, and we got to spend a rare two days together hanging out, pilgrimaging to IKEA, and catching the new James Bond movie! Which has put me in a very happy mood because during the busy week it seems like we never get a chance to spend time together.

 

Life is crazy, but right now it is good. 

 



little victories

One of the biggest things I've learned this year is that life takes patience.

Ever since I truly entered the "real world" it feels like I've dealt with enough job-related failure to make up for the previous 24 years of success-kid glory. Buuut I try to just keep on living and trust that things will work out in time, and maybe they actually will. I've got the guy and the city, now I just need to see what falls into place for me.

Today I did have my first good job news in 8 months: I've landed a part time job leading school field trips at the nearby Morton Arboretum for the fall! So I'll have something fun to keep me semi-busy for a while. It's all about the little victories! I decided to let the news propel me into making today a good one.

To celebrate Ben's official first day of teaching 10th grade history I made cosmic brownies

 And I got a library card!

And I love the pretty flowers in our kitchen.
(I feel like people either love or hate lilies depending on how many funerals they've been to. Luckily they remind me of Easter and I am obsessed with how they make the whole room smell nice.)

Also, I just discovered the new Bravo show Gallery Girls. Have any of you seen it yet? It is kind of like a cross between The City and Real Housewives. And I watched it for two hours even though alllll the girls are super annoying. Oh Bravo. Please tell me I'm not the only one that is totally addicted to the trash reality channel?

our new apartment, so far

 Moving is always exhausting and always disorienting, and Ben and I have both had some pretty epic moves over the past couple years (Pennsylvania to Oregon in only a car, anyone?). However, this particular move was the biggest yet I think, because it's officially the first time that we've moved to a place we officially have together, and also the first time we've really combined all our stuff that's been hiding in basements and storage.

Since we were only moving across the state, I was down-playing everything in my head. How stressful could it really be?? Well, then we discovered our new apartment had been vacated hours before we arrived, and hadn't been thoroughly deep cleaned in what seems like 15 years, and we had to go to Michigan to get Ben's furniture, and then the huge heavy couch wouldn't fit through the door so we had to give it away, and then it turned out we had SO. MUCH. KITCHEN. STUFF. and nowhere to put it, etc etc so I honestly have no idea where the past two weeks have gone, other than into a vortex of cleaning and unpacking and giving Target all my money. 

But the hard work has been paying off and we have curtains now. And a new couch. So it's really starting to feel like home. Ben has been working hard to get his new classroom ready for next week and busy with orientation stuff, and I've been in this strange place where I freak out because I don't have a job but I'm also glad I have time to work on our home and cook good food and explore our new neighborhood. We're pretty far from the Loop so it hardly feels like we're in a big city at all, until I drive around and hit the awesome six-way intersections that are EVERYWHERE in Chicago because of the awesome one-ways and diagonal streets.

But despite the stress and uncertainty that seems endless I am extremely happy to be here in this place, physically and mentally, and in life in general. Moving has been a great distraction from wedding planning, but I guess I should get back on that bandwagon now that we're only a month and a half away. And I know I'll find a job when the time is right. Geographically we are now equidistant from both sides of our family and have lots of friends and family in the city as well, so I am excited to begin this new huge chapter. Best of all, I'm starting to realize that Ben and I will proooobably never have to be long-distance again, and that feels almost too good to be true.

a Thanksgiving post

Lately I've been thankful for

• the changing seasons and wrapping up of the field season
• having an awesome family who is there for support when life hits a lull 
• holiday time! and twinkle lights.
• Thanksgiving potlucks with friends 
• the GIANT SPARKLY PIE that actually made it out of the oven...homemade crust and all
• Jillian Michaels workout dvds
• being able to share a little apartment with Ben, even if we have no furniture
• the end of my job coming soon. because I need a life sabbatical

autumn state of mind

 

I didn't intend to take a fall break from blogging, but I apparently just did. Oops! Fall is officially here now. The clouds have set in and there is a beautiful dusting of snow on the highest mountains in my watershed. Ben and I are discovering that the heating system in our vintage apartment basically consists of ancient space heaters inserted into the walls, and you have to fiddle with the circuit breakers to operate the ones downstairs. Ohhhh boy. Luckily I have a lot of fleece and a new thermos!

The past month wasn't the greatest for me, which is why I've been missing here. Nothing in particular happened, but I've been in a mini life rut and my energy has been mysteriously gone. I think a lot of that was due to the change of the seasons... I don't really deal well with transitions, although I always feel better on the other side. The warm, dry, sunny days of summer will be missed, but a large part of me is happier because of the cooler weather and darker days. I can relinquish the anxious desperation that comes with sunshine to GET OUTSIDE and see the world for the calmer satisfaction of relaxed, cozy "inside" things.

Last weekend my parents came out to visit, which also refocused my perspective on current life and grounded me a little bit. As the oldest of four, it is extremely rare to spend uninterrupted one-on-one time with them.  It was nice to explore the area, eat at nice restaurants, and start talking about the wedding that is happening in less than a year now !!!  For the first time, I am excited about wedding planning because concrete ideas are being set in motion and I don't feel so alone about the whole process. Thank you Mama and Papa :)

This is the first autumn that I've been out of school, and it marks a pretty big life transition into the "real world." Like I said, transitions aren't my favorite, but I don't think the changes will ever stop washing over us. And even though I long to feel settled and feel more financially secure I know I can't miss out on this time of growing up and seeing the country with no pets or kids attached. I am learning patience and trying to appreciate each day (sometimes successfully).

Well, that pretty much sums up life lately. 

Except for how working in the woods has sucked with the cold and rain, and has given me a nasty cold that is also draining my energy. Someday I will do a post on where I work, because it is pretty unique.

 I am excited for the weekend and lots of rest!

august thoughts on life

[Nachusa Grasslands, IL]

It's still hot outside, but at work up in the mountains every once and a while a breeze comes through that just feels so fall and I'm getting the strange and disorienting feeling that I've worked the entire summer away.  Eek! It's been a strange one. 

Spring 2011 will go down in the books as the crazy months I wrote my thesis, turned 24, got a fiance for my birthday, got my masters degree after tons of freakouts and stress, got a job (until December), and moved cross-country after more freakouts and stress. BAM just like that.

Summer 2011 is the one where I settled into life in Oregon working for TNC, which were both things I always "kind of" wanted to do [be careful what you wish for]. I work long, hard days and then just crash on the weekends and attempt to do fun things. Turns out that kind of schedule makes time pass REALLY FAST. In June when I was offered this job, I was not extremely excited because it meant Ben and I would be on opposite sides of the country for an indeterminate amount of time (2-6 months). Well, two months are up and Ben is en route as we speak (type/read?) to move in with me fiiiiinally! I am soooo happy to finally be able to have someone to share the awesomeness of Oregon with, and also to be able to travel and explore. I mean, I am living within an easy day's drive of the redwoods, Crater Lake, San Francisco, Portland, the Pacific, Tahoe, etc etc etc. I am so freaking anxious to get out and see the world!

Living alone as a woman can sometimes feel kind of confining. I am really cautious and alert all the time living in town and don't feel comfortable going too far into the wilderness all by myself. It sucks, but that is just how the world is and I do my best to claim my independence and deal with it. In addition, I have somehow followed my heart into a fiercely co-dependent relationship and just don't feel like my life is "complete" or real unless Ben is in it too, and exploring on my own just doesn't sound appealing because I end up wishing I could be sharing the experience with him.

This post is getting way more deep than I meant it to, but something about releasing your feelings into the internet is freeing and fun, isn't it? Anyways, I am watching myself grow up more and more each season, and this one is no different. Fall will be the one where Ben and I start a new chapter of our lives together, dirt poor, overeducated/underemployed but happy, and I sometimes can't believe how lucky I am.

oregon country fair

Last weekend revolved around a roadtrip to the Oregon Country Fair, where my crewmember Clem has had a booth to sell his photography and reclaimed redwood furniture for the past 28 years or so. I don't really have words to describe the experience; my friend kind of hit it with "circus meets hippie-fest meets Renaissance Fair." The fair itself is composed of a maze of pathways built into a forest, lined with double story booths selling crafts and food, pretty much everything you could think of and then more. The sensory assault is overwhelming--color, smells, music. And the most happy and friendly people that aren't strangers, but instant-family. Even though the atmosphere is crazy, I was left with a feeling of quiet calm at the end of the day, and the strange muted sense that I hadn't even touched the surface of this three day human kaleidoscope.

life on the other side of the country

[Rogue Valley--my new home for now]

I can't believe I have been in Oregon for three weeks already. Today is the day I FINALLY got internet installed in my big empty apartment ! I also can't believe it took me that long to get settled and connected to the outside world. Gah. Work is exhausting but fun and makes the days fly. I am doing field research for a big restoration project with the Nature Conservancy in beautiful forests filled with fir, pine, and Pacific madrone trees. I feel so lucky to be able to work outside, hiking for a living, and be in control of my schedule.
Slowly but surely life is coming together again after months of craziness this spring. Writing a thesis, getting engaged, graduating with my masters degree, and moving 3,000 miles across the country with only what I could stuff into my little Ford Focus has made this year the most life changing yet out of the 24 I have experienced, and it is only half over!!! I feel grownup and (almost) fearless, and I am SO happy to be done with school, at least for now. Having the time to just reflect on life and do some deep thinking on where it is headed as well as on the present day is extremely satisfying in that existential way, and I have gained a lot of confidence and optimism in the past few months. I am learning that a lot of hard work, opportunity-grabbing, and risk taking is what life is about.

Happy July!

adventures

 

I have no recent pics to share because my apartment is in packing-induced shambles and who knows where that camera is...

Yes I am packing up my little life here in PA because

I have a job

Only, it is far far away in OREGON. 

Doing field work for the Nature Conservancy for 6 months. And I need to move across the country in one week!

There are some big life changes afoot, and I expect to get back to regular postings and involvement with the little bloggyblog, as I will have many new adventures to share and will be living by myself again for some time since Ben is still job hunting out east here.

Am I crazy? Meh, not abnormally so. Is life crazy? Most definitely.

graduation

[the only masters students in our cohort to make it out by Spring]

 [the mountain I live on. and our backwards hoods...]

[would not have made it without this guy]

I am officially a Master of Science in Geography!

Grad school was hard, fun, stressful, fast, and intense, and I have seen myself grow up over the past 2 years.

I started this little blog to keep in touch with my family as I moved across the country to enter the Geography program at Penn State, and I will keep on chronicling the unknown life adventures to come (chronicle= one of those words that looks weird if you stare at it for a while). Part of me can't believe I am officially "done" with this step but a bigger part feels relieved and proud of myself! This has been a spring of major exciting changes, and I can't wait to find out what happens next! (aka, job....???)

p.s. Academic Regalia is ridiculous.

p.p.s. Thank you for all the sweet words on our engagement! Unfortunately the Great Blogger Crash deleted some of your comments but I have them saved in my email :)