Scenes from my road.
There are no mountains or forests here, but there are open fields and a full dome of sky where the sun creates spectacular colors every evening.
The other day I mentioned to Ben that right now is a period in our lives that I'm likely to forget about eventually. We are hundreds of miles apart and I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life or when we'll be together again or where we'll be or what we'll be doing. I have frequent breakdowns over the uncertainty of things and the lack of job postings that I actually want to apply to.
But I don't really want to forget about this time. Despite how it feels, we will end up with jobs eventually, and hopefully they are jobs we actually want. We have the rest of our lives to live together, and the first six years of our relationship will be outstripped. We will be able to save money and buy a house, even if it takes a decade or two. It's easy to get jealous of other people whose lives seem so much more under control and on track according to their facebook and blog, and I've even had to stop reading blogs because the "perfectness" they project or the dream jobs they've landed make me feel worse about my own life, which is ridiculous. I guess the point of this post is that I'm trying real hard to cling on to my early 20's and enjoy life while it happens. Even if it's hard.
Anna, I hope I don't have one of those "perfect" blogs...although the amount of posts I write about my dogs destroying my house means I probably don't. Just remember most people only post about the good things, not the fights they have with their husbands, their insecurities, their job and money issues. (except for those weirdos that have to post every second of their lives on Facebook, including what they ate for breakfast) I keep feeling like we should have our debt paid off and be more financially secure, and then I just have to remember that we're only in our early 20's and don't really have our acts together or anything really figured out yet. I always need to tell myself to relax and enjoy my youth, not get all worked up about when we are going to do this or have that. I need to stop looking at magazine that have pictures of perfectly clean, uncluttered houses!
ReplyDeleteP.S. where are you living right now? it looks awfully similar to my landscape. Maybe we can get together and freak out about the future together :)
hahaha don't worry Whitney, I read your blog mainly for entertainment and to be thankful that I don't have crazy dogs :) And that is definitely true about people posting all the good things (which is why I try to post whatever is really happening). I'm in Chillicothe, we should definitely meet up!
DeleteAs I was working monologues last night for my grad school auditions, I started this improv exercise talking to the panel, and I started talking about my life represented as the number 0. Fortunately, because my parents had been saving for 20+ years, I was able to make it out of undergrad without any debt. I have no loans, no credit card debt, etc. but I also have no cash! This became really evident as I was doing my taxes. I barely made a profit last year, and I am constantly teetering on the edge of oblivion.
ReplyDeleteAs I continued the exercise, I admitted to being terrified in this part of my life... but the terror is a result of infinite possibilities! When one is on top of the world, it seems as though something bad MUST happen. The reverse is true: if things are really bad, they can only get better from here. At our age, we are in this unique position of being almost exactly in the middle; there is potential for great happiness and great sadness. I am excited to be in this neutral state, but I so desperately want the things that you want: a house, a husband, a beautiful job. All of those things will come for us, but right now it seems like we are stuck in a place much like Chillicothe; a place with an open sky with so much potential for both beauty and blankness. I love going home, and when I can't, I love to look at these pictures you've taken.
All I'm trying to say is that I am grateful to know that I'm not alone in this weird part of my life. I'm also grateful that you reminded me to enjoy it. As one of my friend once said to me, "Life is not what is coming. Life is now. This is your life, so don't spend your time looking forward to what you think like should be; enjoy the moment." Thanks, Anna. You're wonderful.